Wedding speech
This one comes courtesy of Gordon, with, rather brilliantly, an attached Word doc of what looks to be his speech at his daughter’s wedding. It’s a vaguely-bogan paean to his darling Kel-leigh. Yes, that’s her name, no I didn’t make it up.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. It is with great pleasure that I start the speeches tonight.
As you can tell, I do have an ever so slight English accent, and if any of you can’t understand me, tough shit, you will miss a bloody good speech.
I AM sorry I missed it, Gordo!
Thank you to all of you who have travelled interstate to be here today.
What can I say about Kel. She may talk with an aussie accent, but she is definitely a pom.
The little 6LB baby with the skinny legs. We wondered if they would ever grow enough to hold her weight, but she walked really well down the wedding chapel aisle today and held me up very nicely. Thanks Kel.
She surprised Diane and I when she wanted to go to high school out of the local area so she could play her beloved basketball. She did well at both school and basketball representing the local city in her junior years.
She drove across Australia ending up in Queensland. I think she did better than her old car after that drive.
She did give me a shock one night when she was about 19. I was sat in the study and Diane was in bed and Kel came home from work and went in to see her mum. I heard Kel say “Mum, I have something to tell you” Naturally when I heard that I had to go in. Then Kel added “I am dropping my teaching course at uni. I breathed a big sigh and said “is that all”
Now Paul. What can be said about Paul that hasn’t already been said, mostly by people who have known him since his Sydney days.
When Diane came home after first meeting him, she said it will never last. She said the first thing he did after meeting her was to show her a photo of his 18 month old niece, Charlotte. Kel’s love of children was saying a nice word about someone else’s child.
And now we have a gorgeous little boy in Isaiah. I know I am slightly bias, but he is fantastic.
I know he likes me, because granddad plays cars.
Paul and I have had a couple of interesting times out. We were once going to a beer festival in Brisbane and going by train. The train got stopped because of maintenance work, and we ended up in a place called Bunnoon. Bunnoon was an interesting place. We got off the train and were met by security guys. They searched us, I asked why and the guys said we are looking for weapons. I said I didn’t have any. He gave me a baseball bat and said here you go, you will need this. That was a worry.
We went to the bottle shop one day, and Paul took great pleasure in telling the guy behind the counter that he was going to share a naked blonde with his father in law.
And as long as that in his only naked blonde, then I will be OK…If not, I have been told not to break his legs, because I know a little lady who will do that before I get close.
It is now my great pleasure to ask everyone to join me in congratulating the happy couple. Please be upstanding and charge your glasses as we toast ………. Kel-leigh and Paul
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